Archive for the ‘A Love Letter to John Gray’ Category

Mailboxes can sometimes hold wonderful surprises. This contribution from a reader is one of them. She writes:

“I recently read two of “Dr” Gray’s books and stumbled onto your site while using an internet search engine to see what the web had to say about his work. Thank you for all the effort you’ve put into your webpage. If I may, I would like to express my opinion of “Dr” Gray’s books in a format he suggests is helpful for many relationships . . . a love letter.”


Dear “Dr” Gray,

I am writing this letter to share my feelings with you.

1. ANGER: I get annoyed when I read your books. One example is page 104 of Mars and Venus Together Forever. I feel angry when I read that “Doing more so that a woman will have less to do is not the answer to making her happy.” It frustrates me that you acknowledge that “a woman’s work is never done” but your instruction to men is to “initiate conversation and listen” in order to “free her from the urgency to do it all now.” Then after talking “she can accomplish what is humanly possible in a more relaxed manner” while her man sits on his backside.

2. SADNESS: It hurts me to read your portrayal of women as mercurial beings who constantly cycle in and out of a pit (your word is “well”). I feel disappointed when I read books that encourage men to do as little as possible to maintain a relationship. I wanted to tell you that I am a rational yet feeling being who is much more balanced and cerebral than you give me credit for.

3. FEAR: I worry that women will read your book and think that your opinions and stereotypical ideas about relationships are well-researched fact. I shudder to think about unhealthy changes that some people might make in their relationships and/or expectations after reading your publications or attending your seminars.

4. REGRET: I am sorry that I spent my hard-earned money on your books. I want to let all my acquaintances know that there are much better relationship guides on the market than yours!

5. LOVE: I love the fact that I live in America where we have the right to express our opinions. I understand that you are free to make a buck any way you choose. I understand Susan’s need to publish this webpage and I congratulate her courage in doing so and wish her the very best of success in her future.

P.S. The response I would like to hear from you: I will make a concentrated effort to differentiate fact from opinion in any of my future writings, seminars, and talk show appearances. I will sincerely reflect on the possibility that I may have caused emotional harm to some of my readers or seminar participants in presenting my opinions. I will adjust my behavior in the future to act more responsibly.

Kim Jones

22 May 1998